Straight from the Container

Items in eating repertoire: entire ham knuckle, eggshells, two TV remotes, four entire corncobs sans corn.

I offer this as a public service. But first, know that our dog Sofa is a very large boy, a long-haired English Mastiff who weighs around 170 pounds. So this might not have turned out the same with a much smaller dog.

So a couple weeks ago we did the usual treat-buying at the usual natural pet store. With a new puppy around, the chewy toy-buying has increased because if we don’t supply it, she’ll find something else that will do. (Like my out-of-print copy of Budget Living’s Home Cheap Home she destroyed today that I just reordered on eBay.) So two weeks ago we got the dogs each a “Porky Jerky Knuckle Bone” from Merrick Pet Foods, each one about 8″ long and maybe an inch around. Now, usually when we give them bones we can hear them chewing and chewing for what seems like hours. This time, I unwrapped the bones, handed them over, and went downstairs to change the laundry. I came back upstairs about ten minutes later to find Dahlia still chewing away on her bone, and Sofa staring at her looking unhappy. Where was his bone? I thought maybe it was under the couch (no) or the hutch (no) or the rug (no) or in the bedroom, or under his dog bed, or in my office, or the bathroom, or the kitchen. No, no, no, no, no, and no.

I called in my  husband, and with horror we realized that Sofa had gulped down the entire bone in the time it took me to walk down ten steps, put wet clothes in the dryer, put dirty clothes in the washer, and start both machines. He’s a big dog, and it seemed unbelievable that he could do so, but unless we have a bone-stealing ghost, it was the only explanation.

I called an animal hospital that we trust, and she asked me a few questions — type of bone, size of bone, size of dog, is dog exhibiting any distress (choking, sensitivity to pressure on stomach). And then she said, well, the thing is, he’ll probably be able to break down the bone. If you bring him in, what we’ll do is take an x-ray, look at it, and say, “Yep, that’s a bone,” and charge you for it. The only way to get it out of there would be to open him up. But since most dogs can actually break down bone matter, you’re better off just keeping an eye on him for a few days, making sure he’s not straining to go to the bathroom, press on his stomach every so often to see his reaction, and then — hip hooray — checking his poop to see if the bone, um, is in evidence.

So that’s what we did. Sofa was totally fine. We did call him “ham knuckle” for a few days. And we found that bone fragments in dog poop look pretty much like bone fragments in dog poop.

By the way, chicken bones are still very dangerous for dogs (they splinter) unless they’re raw. And always call your vet first, of course!

Items in eating repertoire: two pairs of shoelaces, clamshells, Steve Madden slippers, edge of rocker on Herman Miller chair, Lasher by Anne Rice (we forgave her that one), Budget Living’s Home Cheap Home.